This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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