remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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