he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
