You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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