I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
