this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
