I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
