Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
