google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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