I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we should paint friendship bongs
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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