a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
