My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
