i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
