I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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