Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
