I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
