I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Green mimosas i think yes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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