In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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