I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Randomize
