She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
