i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
