dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
