I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize