ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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