p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
