xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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