At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
