Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
