How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Someone came in the potted fern
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
