sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He passed out mid-signature
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
