Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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