Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
