Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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