I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
