perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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