I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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