He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
