The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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