____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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