I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
