you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
