if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
