One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
