I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
