I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
