It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
