the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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