im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
