so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
