I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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